🖤 Halfway Through Hell: My Mid-Year Dating Check-In


Warning: contains horror stories and emotional whiplash.

I would like to formally announce that I’ve deleted all the dating apps.
Why, you ask?
Let me walk you through the wreckage.

🏁 The Backstory

Before 2025, I hadn’t really dated. Sure, there was the typical demon spawn that emotionally wrecks you when you’re 20. Then there’s the guy you use to try and recover from said demon spawn (spoiler: he’s also garbage, you just haven’t unwrapped the trauma yet).

But real dating? The intentional, “I’m looking for a relationship” kind of dating? That didn’t happen until this year.

In 2024, I did a lot of self-work. I got grounded, emotionally stable, and ready to open myself up to something real.
Spoiler alert: I was the only one who waited until I was emotionally ready, apparently.

So let’s break down the year so far, shall we?

👣 1. The Toe Dip (January)

Let’s call him Larry.

Larry was a nice enough guy. Cute, respectful, and—shocker—asked me out to a real dinner, not just a “hang.” That alone felt like a win.

We had some mutual friends, so I knew he wasn’t a serial killer, but that also weirdly raised the pressure. I was nervous—this was technically my first time going on a real date with a total stranger who said he wanted something serious.

Review of Larry:
Fine. Totally fine. Polite. No spark. We had almost nothing in common, but it was a smooth re-entry into the world of men. So long, Larry. Thank you for being a low-stakes reintroduction.

🎩 2. Mr. Houdini (You Know the One)

His name for the purposes of this emotional autopsy is Tim.

If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you’ve already met him (aka, the reason this blog even exists).

This one still baffles me.

He was all in—heavy texting, plans, energy. Then he vanished like a damn magician. No explanation. Just poof.

Tim’s legacy?
He taught me that real effort is shown in real life, not over the phone. The realization hit hard:

“The texting probably doesn’t feel as draining to them when they don’t actually care.”

He didn’t respect me. He didn’t value my time. He just wanted the attention.
And honestly? That’s not on me.

Tim, I hope you find emotional maturity. And therapy. Preferably both.

💀 3. The Fresh Wound

We’ll call him Ned. And yes, it’s still fresh, so we’re going gentle here. (Kind of.)

Ned and I really hit it off. Cute, sweet, and funny. Like, I-was-laughing-at-my-phone funny. Our personalities matched, conversation flowed, and it just felt easy.

He made me feel comfortable. Seen. Listened to. We talked every day. On the phone. Via text. In all the ways.

The day of our date? I told him, “I’m not even nervous. I’m just excited because I know we’ll have fun.”
And we did. I’ll leave it at that.

Then came The Vibe Switch™.

You know the one. That subtle shift in energy that sends your brain into a full spiral. And this time? I didn’t let it slide. I brought it up.

After a little back-and-forth, he hit me with:

“I just don’t think I can do the long-distance thing.”

Long distance?
Sir, we live an hour apart. You knew that on Day One.

I accepted the excuse (because at least I got one), but let’s be real — that was a cop-out.
So Ned is dead. May he rest in emotionally unavailable peace.

🧠 What I’ve Learned (So Far)

These three weren’t the only ones, but they’re the ones who left a mark — the kind that hurts at first but eventually becomes wisdom. And here's what I know now:

  • Texting isn’t real effort. It’s easy. Effort is how they show up for you offline.

  • The chase feels good to them, but the reality doesn’t. These men want the dopamine hit of attention, not the responsibility of connection.

  • Their behavior is not a reflection of your worth. It reflects where they’re at, not who you are.

📵 Half-Time: Apps Deleted

I’m not giving up on dating — but I’m hitting pause on this particular method of madness.

The apps are gone. Why?
Because I no longer want to be collateral damage in some guy’s dopamine scavenger hunt.

I’m not chasing ghosts anymore. I’m not falling for boyfriend auditions that were never meant to be real. And I’m not handing out emotional intimacy like free samples at Costco.

Instead?
I’m shifting to real life. Maybe I’ll meet someone through a friend, at work, or out in the wild. (What a concept, right?)

And I’ll keep putting myself out there — because that in itself is a win. I’m proud of the growth. I’m proud of the boundaries. And I still believe love is out there — just not on someone’s “maybe later” list.

🖤 Final Thoughts from the Emotional Support Dumpster

To everyone who’s followed this chaotic journey, thank you. Whether you’ve been ghosted, breadcrumbed, or confused out of your mind, you’re not alone. And you’re not crazy.

I’m still hopeful. Still standing.
And still so sure that one day, all of this will make sense.

Until then — I’ll be over here, living my life, deleting the apps, and refusing to shrink for people who can’t meet me where I am.

— Ca$$ out 🖤

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