Dating in 2025: A Cautionary Tale from the Trenches
🖤
I’m on a dating journey. And by “journey,” I mean I want to send myself into a padded room and live out the rest of my days far away from the chaotic minds of modern men.
Let me be clear — I’ve gotten pretty damn good at sniffing out the guys who are just in it for sex. But what I haven’tmastered yet is identifying the ones who are emotionally stunted and secretly just want attention. You know the ones — the ones who act like they want something real, who say all the right things, and then vanish like a limited-time menu item at McDonald’s.
This one? He put in effort. Like, actual, consistent communication and what looked like intentional energy. And still — one day, he just disappeared. Let me take you through what happened, because I still wake up at night thinking what the hell was that?
🚨 Scene One: The Match Made in Costco Dreams
Of course this all started on a dating app — aka the flaming trash pile that powers modern romance. He was cute. 6’4”. Said he was looking for a long-term relationship. Boom, it’s a match.
He messaged me first (as he should), making a clever remark about my bio — “I’ve always been a Sam’s Club man, but I guess I could try something new.” I responded with something flirty, and he came back with a novel. I’m talking paragraphs about loyalty, relationship goals (marriage, kids, a farm), and even a preemptive confession of his “red flags.” He owned that it was a lot to lay on a stranger, but claimed he didn’t want to waste time pretending to be someone he’s not.
At first? I was overwhelmed. But then I thought — maybe I’m just not used to someone actually being serious. Maybe this is what intentional looks like.
So I leaned in.
🧠 The Illusion of Effort
The convo flowed — real, stimulating chats. He asked for my number, moved things to iMessage, and told me he’d be away on a bachelor trip but wanted to take me out when he returned.
Here’s where I mentally braced myself. Let’s see if he keeps this same energy while partying in Miami.
And guess what? He did. He texted the whole weekend. Unprompted updates, flirty but respectful energy, and even photos of food he was eating. It was giving boyfriend energy without being overbearing. So when he came back and planned a date (time and place — shocker), I was excited but terrified. This felt different.
We went on the date. There were nerves, of course, but it went really well. A couple of sweet kisses. No red flags. Just good vibes.
📉 The Slow Slide into Nowhere
After the date, the texting stayed consistent. If anything, he seemed more into it. I was getting pics of dinners he cooked, his dog cuddled up in bed, office furniture he wanted my opinion on — it was all very... emotionally intimate. And I fell for it.
We didn’t see each other again right away. He had a stacked calendar: work travel, weddings, etc. He told me this was soout of the norm for him — he was a homebody. I believed him. So I didn’t push. I just hoped we’d reconnect when the chaos calmed.
Then finally: his schedule was clearing up. He texted me all day Saturday before attending another wedding. I went to an engagement party. My phone died. I crashed early. No big deal.
Sunday morning, I texted him a simple “good morning” and asked if he made it home safe.
And I never heard from him again.
🧍🏻♀️The Disappearing Act
This man had never gone more than a few hours without texting me. And now... silence. So I did what any logical, completely calm person would do: I checked his dating profile.
And there it was.
Updated. Bio changed. Active.
I spiraled. Was I ghosted? Was he dead? My friend finally convinced me to check in. So I sent a simple text:
“Hey, it’s cool if you don’t want to talk today, but did you make it home safe?”
He replied. Two paragraphs. Full of excuses and guilt. Then gushing about how sweet I was to check on him. So I gave him a graceful exit:
“Honestly, I debated texting because I didn’t want to overstep if I was getting ghosted.”
His response was immediate.
“No no no. Definitely not ghosting. I’m so sorry I made you feel that way.”
He asked about my night. Acted normal. I told him goodnight a little early.
And I never heard from him again.
🎭 So What Was It All For?
I’ve spent weeks asking myself this question.
Why go through all that effort — the texts, the photos, the planning, the words — just to disappear? I’ll never know. And that’s the part that messes with your head the most. You want closure, but closure is a courtesy that emotionally unavailable men do not offer.
I know I’m not crazy. I know I didn’t imagine the effort. And no — I’m not glorifying the bare minimum. The communication was real. But it turns out, consistency doesn’t always mean intention. Sometimes, it just means someone wanted attention, and you were giving it.
And then, they’re done. Just like that.
🖤 Dating in 2025 Feels Like a Social Experiment
I’m not writing this for sympathy. I’m writing this because dating in this era is starting to feel like emotional warfare disguised as texting chemistry. And if you’ve experienced something like this? You’re not alone. You're not dramatic. You’re not “too much.” You just bumped into one of the many men out there pretending to be ready when they’re really just bored, broken, or both.
So yeah, I’m discouraged. Confused. Guarded.
But not defeated. Because I know I deserve more. And so do you.
Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
— Ca$$ out
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